1000 Things to NOT do in Panem
by acciojubjubbird
Summary: I find the title fairly self- explanatory... Warning: Many spoilers inside
1. Chapter 1

**1000 Things NOT to do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: the Hunger Games are not mine, neither is Peeta :( (kidding, but seriously guys, not mine)**_

1. Chuck bread at strange, starving girls

2. Set children on fire

3. Volunteer for the Hunger Games

- it is NOT a charitable organization

4. Accept guava juice from an orangutan, especially if it is a killer Mutt

5. Eat those mysterious berries you found over there

-especially if you're a girl with a vague resemblance to a fox

6. Name your child after _bread…_

7. or potatoes….

8. and definitely not _Flavius_

9. Attempt to give Buttercup a bath

10. Steal Effie's wig collection

11. Repeatedly poke Cato with a stick

12. Have a billion children after your husband gets blown up in a mine accident

13. Try to 'occupy the Capitol'

14. Design bombs that end up killing your sorta-kinda-not really- girlfriend's little sister

15. Name evil dictator society after 'bread and circuses'

–pumpernickel and clowns are not particularly threatening….

16. Force President Snow into a Santa Claus costume

17. Ask Seneca Crane if he's thought of making the next arena a corn maze based on his beard

18. Replace Katniss's Mockingjay outfit with a chicken costume

19. Throw pine needles at Johanna and say you 'just wanted to remind her of home'

20. Introduce Capitol Citizens to Lady Gaga, no matter how well they'd get along

21. Enroll Haymitch into Alcoholics Anonymous

22. Lobby for Cinna to be a co-host on 'What Not to Wear'

23. Address Katniss and Peeta by their awful ship name (really guys?)

24. Chase Johanna around with a spraybottle full of water

25. _**DIE!**_

-you will find this is far easier said than said than done...

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**A/N: So... that was interesting and random! Written with lots of help from my Worst Enemy and egoats (please check out egoats's fics so she does not kill me) Hopefully that turned out to be entertaining, probably won't really have 1000 of these, but you never know. Harry Potter and the Twist in Time readers, don't worry, I'm working on it! **

**If you have any ideas for other things to NOT**** do in Panem, please leave them in reviews and they may be used in chapter 2 (if there is one) you will be credited! Please leave some! Or be force fed Nightlock!**


	2. Chapter 2

**1000 Things to ****NOT ****do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: the Hunger Games are not mine, neither is Effie's fashion sense (thank goodness) **_

26. Invite an Avox over for karaoke

27. Seductively lick sugar cubes (which, by the way Finnick, were for _horses)_

28. Make fun of Gale's name…

29. …or Peeta's

30. … or Katniss's

31. …or… okay you get my point

32. Try beating Peeta at hide and seek

33. Try playing fetch with a wolf Mutt

34. Start singing 'I Will Survive' in the middle of the Reaping

-do so and you will most likely _not_

35. Question why Annie, the crazy girl, gets the normal name

36. Shoot arrows into a dead pig _inches_ away from the heads of people who potentially decide whether or not you DIE

-worked for Katniss, probably won't for you

37. Stalk Katniss with 'Team Gale' and 'Team Peeta' signs

-on a sidenote, TEAM BUTTERCUP FOR THE WIN!

38. Get Katniss a bouquet of strong smelling roses for Valentine's Day

-she will not take kindly to it

39. Kidnap Peeta, Gale, Cato, and/ or Finnick in the middle of the night

-at least, not without calling _me_ first.

40. Bring Pokemon Cards with you and insist they're Mutts with special powers (Crystal Silvera)

41. Invade the Gamemakers' control room and mess up the settings so that you can announce that the Capitol will send tributes to replace them (Crystal Silvera)

42. Insist the Capitol MUST be descendants of Lady Gaga (Crystal Silvera)

43. Hand Gale a pamphlet featuring "All the Wonderful Things the Capitol does for Us" (DuchessPinkcat)

44. Handcuff Finnick and Johanna together (DuchessPinkcat)

45. Lock Gale and Peeta in a room together (DuchessPinkcat)

46. Lock Haymitch and Effie alone in a room together and take bets on who survives longest

47. Spark a widespread revolution that results in the destruction of your home, way of life, and beloved little sister who is the light of your life and possibly the only reason for you continued existence.

_Yeah_... Katniss?

_**FAIL**_

* * *

**A/N Well, hello all! Here's the 2nd installment of 1000 Things to NOT do in Panem. Hopefully funny, Thoughts? Special Thanks to Crystal Silvera and DuchessPinkcat for suggestions. Worst Enemy (now known as Anieliliwe on this site) and egoats (once again, check her fics) for being epic. PLEASE CHECK THIS FIC'S SISTER STORY 'How to Spend Your Time in Panem' by egoats (check her page or find it in my favs on MY page). More thanks to Estoma, TheGirlNightwing (YOU'RE who e keeps talking about! Ohhhh) and Guests as well. Now review/suggest or be stabbed off a cliff! **

**P.S #39 for people who actually know me, was a JOKE. okay?**


	3. Chapter 3

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem **

_**Disclaimer: I am not the owner of the Hunger Games (or am I? *insert creepy maniacal laugh* [but seriously, not mine guys]) **_

48. Interrupt the annual showing of the Hunger Games with an episode of Keeping up With the Kardashians

-the poor Districts have suffered enough as it is

49. Try telling the Capitol that their whole, 'children fight to death in an arena' idea isn't exactly _new_ *coughcoughBattleRoyalecough*

50. Wonder how odd it was for Peeta to explain to their kids that he fell in love with Katniss by:

- stalking her from age five

- chucking bread at her

-getting stuck in an arena with her where they were supposed to kill each other

-stage making out so they could get lamb stew from strangers

-attempting joint suicide with her

-almost getting forced to marry her, then pretending he's already married her, then pretending he's _impregnated_ her

-and then getting brainwashed into _strangling_ her, among other things (oh, young love...)

-on a sidenote, even put like _that_, Everlark is STILL a better love story than Twilight

51. Point out every single table and scream, "That is Mahogany!"

-yes, even if it's not actually made of wood

52. Lock Peeta and Gale in a room together, while Gale is wearing a tutu, and Peeta has a camcorder (Rachel Munroe)

53. Replace Haymitch's alchohol with juice, just to see how "drunk" he really gets (Rachel Munroe)

54. Tell Gale that Peeta and Katniss have slept together. A lot. (Rachel Munroe)

55. Tell Katniss that Peeta and Gale are a couple now (Rachel Munroe)

56. Pull down Finnick's pants and say "Now THIS distracts me!" (Rachel Munroe)

57. Make a play about the hunger games where the "tributes" end up actually dying cause... well... I don't think they know how to pull their punches (theGirlNightwing)

58. Introduce Panem citizens to superhero comics. Especially Batman comics, Panem DOESN'T need stray vigilantes running around punching Capitol residents in the face. (theGirlNightwing)

59. Make fun of Katniss and Peeta's ship name (Crystal Silvera)

60. Randomly start singing "The Hanging Tree" in the middle of a reaping (Crystal Silvera)

61. Figure out a way to kidnap President Snow (even though it would do all of Panem a favor) (Crystal Silvera)

62. Push Haymitch in his own vomit (kk7)

63. Push _Effie_ in Haymitch's vomit (kk7)

64. Yell " LONG LIVE THE MOCKINGJAY!" in President's Snow's face (kk7)

65. Randomly point and shoot bow and arrows at innocent civilians (kk7)

66. Smack a Peacekeeper in the face (kk7)

67. Try bribing a Peacekeeper with a skinny rabbit that you hunted (kk7)

68. Bring the trilogy set with you to Panem and see what happens (Crystal Silvera)

69. Whenever someone asks where Finnick is, scream "ODAIR HE IS!" at the top of your lungs

70. Show any of the characters Fanfiction, EVER

-well, _maybe _just to see the looks on their faces...even if it probably means dying in some extremely painful way. It might be worth it!

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**A/N Hello people of fanfiction! 3rd installment of 1000 Things to NOT do in Panem, hope you got a laugh out of that... I know I did. XD **

**Special thanks to Crystal Silvera, theGirlNightwing, Rachel Munroe, and kk7 for suggestions. Thanks guys! Anieliliwe and egoats for helping me start this thing in the first place (check their fics and review. They are totally awesome people even if they're rude and not ginger) Once again, check out this fic's sister story How to Spend Your Time in Panem  (and pester the author to stop disregarding its existence) More thanks to WarriorsFan1342 and egoats for reviewing... and, yeah! **

**REVIEW/SUGGEST! Or be torn apart by Wolf Mutts! **

**P.S #48 and #50 do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author, who also does not own the franchises mentioned in said entries. Nor does this author own Batman, mentioned in #58 (Holy Disclaimer Batman! don't sue me! [I don't wanna, I don't wanna be sued. I'm not tryin, tryin to be rude. 'Cause it ain't funny, I don't got the money to loooooooose...)**

**P.P.S Please excuse the pointless Starkid references in that last P.S... (I don't own them either!) Couldn't resist... **


	4. Chapter 4

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hunger Games, other than the one that goes on whenever I attempt beating out others for the last piece of cake at birthday parties. I totally own at that. (kidding, seriously, HG not mine and the cake always eludes me *sobs*) **

71. Sing the dwarve's mining song from Snow White as District 12's men head off to work

-hi ho, hi ho, it's off to die they go!

72. Force Peeta into green tights and start calling him 'Peeta Pan'

- despite how depressing Panem is, because you can't really laugh at it if Peeta has you in a stranglehold

73. Teach your sweet, innocent, little daughters nursery rhymes about murderers getting hung in trees

74. Take up beekeeping, except with Tracker Jackers

_-(Tracker Jacker Keeping? Jacker Tracking?)_

75. Introduce any of the characters to Hunger Games: A Bad Lip Reading

-or call Peeta 'Codfish Joe'

-nor Katniss 'the queen' or 'Tuna Flavor'

- and please do not suggest Cinna 'do somethin' fruity' or ask what exactly Timothy did to deserve getting eaten by the police

76. Kiss your 'cousin'

-especially when one of you is supposed to be 'madly in love' with another guy

-especially, _especially_, when you're in the woods where anyone could be listening

-and especially, especially, especially when the Capitol is watching your EVERY MOVE (Anieliliwe)

77. Show the characters some crazy pairings and slashes that we, the fans, have obscurely made up (Crystal Silvera)

78. Force everyone to read the books and watch the movie (Crystal Silvera)

79. Run from the characters that weren't so happy that you did the above (Crystal Silvera)

80. Laugh at the Capitol for getting outsmarted over and over and over - you get the point (Crystal Silvera)

81. "Rueful" and "finicky" are NOT based on Rue and Finnick, and don't ever ask them that (Crystal Silvera)

82. Burp in Effie's ear. Loudly (kk7)

83. Copy everything Effie does (kk7)

84. Throw (or try throwing) a deer at people in the Seam while yelling " FREE FOOD!" (kk7)

85. Mention other possible disturbing couple names for Peeta and Katniss, like KatPee! (kk7)

86. Send copies of the Hunger Pains to Katniss and Peeta (kk7)

87. Stuff Buttercup into a fluffy pink bonnet and frilly tutu

-unless of course you want your face clawed off

88. Scream at the Capitol, "You're going to TARTARUS!" (theGirlNightwing)

89. Find technology that you can use to make a time/dimension travel machine like Bart Allen aka Impulse did (Young Justice) and go back to the time and universe where superheroes existed and bring them back to Panem, then hire them to fight the capitol (theGirlNightwing)

90. Don't call out "What I win?" when reaped for the Hunger Games (nintendgal101)

91. Nor should you call out "Yep, that's my name, don't wear it out." or, "Sweet! I'm Triwizard Tournament Champion! Wait, where's Dumbledore?" or "I'd like to thank the academy!" or finally, "I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" (sorry Katniss) (partial credit to brittish-bird...)

92. Write a book called "To kill a mockingjay" (Everderp)

93. Get a lizard anywhere near Finnick (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

94. Tell Annie that you've decapitated someone. -that someone being her district partner (Crossel2001)

95. Tell Cato that the president is offering a reward for the most people killed in an hour (Crossel2001)

96. Invite Effie to your families thanksgiving (Crossel2001)

97. Throw a pie at Effie (Crossel2001)

98. Declare a food fight with Effie present(Crossel2001)

99. Point out how when you put together the Girl on Fire and Boy with the Bread, you end up being completely Toast

-aka how the two of them felt at the Reaping and you know,a large percentage of their lives afterwards

100. Go to Panem AT ALL; best advice I can give you

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**A/N 100 down, 900 more to go... Thank you to everyone reading this, following it, faving it, etc... you guys are supermegafoxyawesomehot. Special thanks to Crystal Silvera, kk7, theGirlNightwing, TheMysteriousGeek2345, nintengal101, Anieliliwe, and brittish-bird/ one of your other billion names (which I can't list here since they're too close to your real name) for suggestions. And reviewers: othomasl2003, WarriorsFan1342 (though 'L' is a very interesting review. jk :)) **

**Please Review/Suggest (if anyone can come up with any winter/holiday themed ones that'd be great) or be... lectured to death by Effie! **

**P.S I also do not own: Snow White, Peter Pan, Hunger Games BLR (which I apoligize if you don't get the references and suggest you watch on YouTube), The Hunger Pains (also a very good parody), Percy Jackson/Greek Mythology, Young Justice, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (yes, I got that from memory), or anything else I may have forgotten to add. **

**P.P.S Curious, regarding #77, what do you think is the craziest HG pairing? REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**1000 Things to NOT do Panem**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games any more than Gale loves the Capitol, less than that actually...**

101. Write a Hunger Games musical and try to force the characters into it

-Seam Side Story? Phantom of the Arena? How to Succeed in the Hunger Games Without Really Trying?

102. Hire Greasy Sae as your personal chef

103. March up to Katniss and demand she give her children names

-Hopefully they won't go the way of Renesmee and Albus Severus*****

104. Introduce Buttercup to Harry Potter's Mrs. Norris

-those two would have the evilest kittens EVER

105. Question how on earth Suzanne Collins came up with the idea of a tiger lady working in a themed underwear shop (personal experience?)

106. Go as Effie for Halloween and see what happens

107. Give Katniss and Peeta a copy of 'The Hunger But Mainly Death Games' (PurelyHypernated)

108. Knock blueberries out of random people's hands and yelling as loud as you can "IT'S NIGHTLOCK!"(PurelyHypernated)

109. Question Seneca about his choice of facial hair…(PurelyHypernated)

110. Play a game of 'Truth, Odair?' with Finnick (PurelyHypernated)

111. Drown Johanna in water just because you think she can tackle that fear the first time (PurelyHypernated)

112. Call Cinna Cinnamon (TheMysteriousGeek2345

113. Set fire to District 12 (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

114. Throw vials of poision at President Snow (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

115. Give Clove a cornicopia for her birthday (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

116. Make Buttercup a sign saying "I love Katniss" (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

117. Dress Buttercup up as a princess (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

118. Get wolves anywhere near Cato (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

119. Dress up as Prim, and visit Gale in the middle of the night (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

120. Bring Peeta a Batman costume, Gale a Robin costume and Katniss a Batgirl costume.

-Regarding Gale, NOT the green underwear type. Well, actually... (theGirlNightwing)

121. Blow up the Hunger Games arena (Othomasl2003)

122. Lick a plate clean in front of Effie (Kk7)

123. Give random people in the Seam something that inspires them to start an uprising (Kk7 )

124. Sell violent video games at the Hob (Kk7 )

-The districts of Panem might not need it (Kk7 )

125. Loudly compare the situation where Katniss got deaf in one ear and George Weasley from Harry Potter actually lost an ear (Crystal Silvera)

126. Steal Katniss's bow and pretend to be Cupid with it

127. Announce on Panemwide TV that the Capitol must be stupid and messed up

- they would not take kindly to it (Crystal Silvera)

128. Throw a knife in a train (kk7)

129. Introduce Disney World to the people of Panem (although they might be happy, or slightly jealous) (kk7)

130. Compare Merida (Brave) to Katniss, or Hawkeye (Avengers), or Willa Angelo (Kingdom Keepers) (kk7)

131. Stab a table (They have feelings too!) (kk7)

132. Insist the Hunger Games (and Percy Jackson and Twilight) were written by Gilderoy Lockhart

-A Very Potter Senior Year reference, sorry couldn't resist!

133. Buy Katniss a t-shirt that says you shall rue the day (crosel2001)

134. Ask Finnick how many people he's slept with (crosel2001)

135. Lock Katniss and Johanna in a room with one bottle of water and one grain of rice while chanting, 'fight! fight! fight!' (crosel2001)

136. Steal Haymitch's drink and then drink it slowly right in front of him then do a spit take (crosel2001)

137. Ask President Snow if he enjoys sending 23 kids to death each year (crosel2001)

138. you get picked at the reaping say "OMG OMG I WON THE LOTTERY!" Because you most certainly did not (Crystal Silvera)

139. Announce to the world you ship 'Sexface,' Seneca/Foxface

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**A/N There's part 5! ATTENTION! everyone wondering why their holiday themed ones are not up here, that is because next update (which will be soon!) is going to be holiday themed, so they will all be going there. I would like holiday/winter themed suggestions, but normal suggestions are welcome and will go in the next next update **

**Special Thanks to PurelyHypernated, TheMysteriousGeek2345, theGirlNightwing (good luck w/sheet music mountain!), Othomasl2003, kk7, Crystal Silvera, crosel2001, and CraazyCresta (for #139). More thanks to MockingjayWithFangs, Anieliliwe *twitch!*, richards25, WarriorsFan1342, CrystalSpade, and Rachel Munroe for reviews! THANKS GUYS! sorry if I forgot anyone**

*****I don't think Albus Severus is TOO bad of a name... is it just me?

P.S I don't own AVPSY, Harry Potter, Disney World, the Avengers, the Batman franchise, Percy Jackson, Kingdom Keepers, Twilight, the Hunger but Mainly Death Games, or any of the musicals referenced in #101...or anything else I referenced and forgot to add here

**Now REVIEW! Or be cursed by Seneca's beard! **


	6. Holiday Edition!

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem: Holiday Edition!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, but if anyone needs ideas for Christmas presents... ;)**_

140. Ask the Districts why they don't celebrate Thanksgiving

-[not strictly wintery, but it _is _a holiday, right?]

141. Sing holiday songs to Avoxes then invite them to come carolling with you

142. Introduce Katniss to 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'

-knowing her, she'd probably want to shoot him and sell him in the Hob

143. Replace all of Haymitch's alchohol with eggnog

144. Shove Johanna into a Christmas tree to 'remind her of home'

145. Encourage the Capitol to make flying reindeer Mutts

146. Sing "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?" In the Capitol (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

147. Introduce them all to Santa, then say he's not coming 'cause the whole of Panem is ALWAYS on the naughty list (theGirlNightwing)

148. Ask Katniss if the two of you can tour the 74th annual hunger games arena for Christmas (crosel2001)

149. For Christmas, get Katniss an unlimited supply of roses (Crystal Silvera)

150. Wonder why Snow's name is, well, _Snow. _Then ask him if he changed it because of winter and say, "Now THAT'S what I call holiday spirit!" (Crystal Silvera)

151. Force Coin and Snow under the mistletoe (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

152. Dress Effie as a fairy and put her on top of the Christmas tree (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

- even though she likes pretty outfits, she won't appreciate it

153. Ask Buttercup to turn on the Christmas lights (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

154. Refuse to allow President Snow to make a speech on Christmas Day (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

155. Allow Beetee to decide what Panem watches on Christmas day (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

156. Announce Snow is 'Santa' and take him on a tour of the Districts (Crystal Silvera)

-No one, ESPECIALLY the districts, would enjoy that

157. Do an interview with the cast of the trilogy ... then ask a bunch of weird, uncomfortable, AWKWARD questions. Like if District 12 celebrates Christmas, or Hanukkah

- or just sit around [NO OFFENSE INTENDED TO ANYONE!] (Crystal Silvera)

158. Replace this year's Hunger Games with a humungous snowball fight

159. Give all of District 12 coal for Christmas

160. Stalk Gale, Peeta, Finnick or whoever else you're in love with from HG with mistletoe

161. Groan loudly when Peeta inevitably sweeps in with bundle after bundle of fruitcake

162. Make gingerbread Peacekeepers then bite their heads off in front of _actual _Peacekeepers

163. Light Katniss on fire instead of a menorah

164. Invite Rue over for Kwanzaa

-living in District 11, I think she has all the experience with 'first fruits' she needs

165. Try and convince President Coin to allow elaborate holiday activities in District 13

166. Make a President Snow-man then have the Districts wreck until it's just a pile of slush

167. Ask about Santa when playing 'Real or Not Real' with Peeta

168. Stage 'A Chrstmas Carol' in Panem with Coin as Scrooge and Rue, Katniss, and Snow encouraging/scaring her into the holiday spirit

169. Let Finnick tie knots with all the ribbons

170. Ask if the Grinch is just a weird Mutt

171. Force Gale and Peeta into elf costumes

-between this, the Robin costume from last chapter, and 'Peeta Pan' in chapter 4, Peeta and Gale are really starting to _despise _green tights

172. Celebrate Christmas with Clato by having a killing fest with them [on ice skates!]

173. Center this year's Hunger Games in a frozen wasteland and laugh as the Tributes freeze to death [wait, didn't they already do that?]

174. Sit back and watch the Capitol transform into a Winter Wonderland [or depending on your opinion, a Nightmare Before Christmas]

175. Turn up at Katniss's doorstep singing 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' and don't leave until you get some figgy pudding

176. Suggest Peeta, Katniss, and Family live in a giant gingerbread house. Then cry when Katniss vetoes the idea

177. Replace Tracker Jacker Venom with Holiday music as the Capitol's main form of torture

178. Go over to Greasy Sae's for Christmas Dinner

179. Gift the Capitol Children with bombs falling from parachutes [oh, wait...]

180. Celebrate New Year's by shooting all of District 13's missiles at the Capitol at once

-although you can't deny it certainly starts the year off with a BANG!

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**A/N: Yep, there's the holiday edition. That was a lot more fun to write than I expected!, consider this my Christmahanakwanzaa/other holiday/no holiday present to you readers! :D Really hope I didn't accidentally offend anyone with any of that! If I did I didn't mean to! Sorry!**

**Special Thanks to TheMysteriousGeek2345, theGirlNightwing, crosel2001, and Crystal Silvera for the holiday themed ones. More thanks to shirapp, AnimeGirlieGirl, and Eagleistic for reviews last chapter. **

**I promise everyone's non-hoilday suggestions are going into next update which may oy may not be coming... next year, wow. Oh and btw, we're alive, yay! Take that people who are distinctly not mayans! See you guys in 2013! **

P.S I do not own: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, 'Do They Know it's Christmas at all?", The Hunger games cast/crew, 'A Christmas Carol', Nightmare Before Christmas, or anything else you might recognize.

P.P.S Sorry if I have a bunch of typos, I just wanted to get this up before Christmas Eve, also if the ordering is messed up. Tell me about it and I'll fix it.

**NOW REVIEW! Or be run over by flying reindeer Mutts (I can make it look like an accident!) Merrppy Christmahanakwanzaa/anything else everyone!**


	7. Chapter 7

**1000 to NOT do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: Sadly, the Hunger Games was not among my Christmas presents. Still no ownership :(**_

181. Allow Katniss's design team to give you a complete makeover

182. Suggest Katniss's new theme song be Alicia Keys's 'Girl on Fire'

183. Get Greasy Sae a pet guinea pig, then order soup the next day right after asking where the guinea pig has gone

184. Ask Caesar Flickerman if he's a descendant of Ryan Seacrest

-or maybe he IS Ryan Seacrest?! Hmmm...

185. Throw a Sadie Hawkins dance in District 13

-for one thing, President Coin would claw your eyes out. And for another, Peeta and Gale would claw _each other's _eyes out

186. Wonder if, what with Fred in Harry Potter and Castor in Mockingjay, authors have a thing for tragically breaking up pairs of twins

187. Ask Leeg 1 and Leeg 2 why they have the same name

-Dr. Seuss shout out perhaps? In that case Panem might want to take a lesson from 'The Butter Battle Book'

188. Show any of the characters 'Forever Everdeen' on YouTube

189. Create a Panem version of Angry Birds featuring Katniss as a Mockingjay in need of therapy

190. Sing 'If I Die Young' to Prim and Rue

-there was certainly no 'if' involved in that

191. Give Peeta some red hair dye so he can be a gingerbread man (Anieliliwe)

192. Come up to Peeta and Katniss when they win the Hunger Games and scream " HE DID IT! THE DOCTOR SAVED YOU!" (brittish bird)

193. Tell Katniss that her side braid is 'so out of style' (brittish bird)

194. Cinna that he has no taste in clothes (brittish bird)

195. Come up to Seneca Crane and scream 'OMIGODDD! I LOVE YOUR BEARD!' (brittish bird)

196. Ask President Snow what perfume he's wearing and where you can get it (brittish bird )

197. Alma Coin if her name is short for almond (brittish bird)

198. Ask Katniss's mother to save George Weasley's ear (shirapp)

199. Tell the reaped children at the Reaping "Too bad, so sad!" (shirapp)

200. Give Katniss the book to kill a Mockingjay  
- or give it to President Snow

201. Tell the Romans that they have the publishing rights to bread and circuses (shirapp)

202. Switch the mayor's treaty of treason with a copy of nursery rhymes  
- or with a paper filled with swear words (shirapp)

203. invite Voldemort to a play date with President Snow (shirapp)

204. Force President Snow into a room with 23 chickens and yell, "May the 76th Hunger Games begin!" (shirapp)

205. Invite Effie to crazy hair day and take bets on who will win, Effie or Bellatrix (shirapp)

206. Tell Seneca Crane that he is a victim of the HANGer Games (shirapp)

207. Teach Katniss's kids 'The Hanging Tree' (shirapp)

208. Hang signs in the Career camps: Cato + Clove = Love (shirapp)

209. Nickname Katniss's kids President Snow and Effie (shirapp)

210. Blow up the sister of the girl you're in love with

-It's not a good Valentines present (TheKunoichiOfTheDay)

211. While in The Hunger Games, throw your shoe at another tribute to blow up their mine

-You will have to hobble though the arena (TheKunoichiOfTheDay)

212. Insult Cato (TheKunoichiOfTheDay)

-He might get a little upset, and you might get a little maimed

213. Eat Nightlock, it could give you a bit of an illness (TheKunoichiOfTheDay)

214. Draw a hippo's body on a picture of Snow then send it to him. You might make him cry! (TheKunoichiOfTheDay)

215. Whisper "Unlucky for some" everytime someone mentions District 13 (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

216. Ask "Where are the Aliens?" in District 9 (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

217. Get the tributes to sing 'I'm a Survivor' (Eaglistic)

218. Ask President Snow if he used Twilight to hijack Peeta (Eaglistic)

219. Ask President Snow if he is a Twi-hard (Eaglistic)

220. Walk into the Seam, throw a bunch of food into the air and declare, "LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!" (Crystal Silvera)

221. Introduce the characters to a _little_ something called Battle Royale (Crystal Silvera)

222. Tell the Capitol cooks (I mean, SOMEONE'S gotta make all that food!) that they are fired. Then stand and watch the drama unfold (Crystal Silvera)

223. Yell "HEY GUESS WHAT, YOU WERE REMOVED FROM THE MOVIE! HA HA!" at anyone erased from the movie: Madge Undersee, Prim's goat, etc (Crystal Silvera)

224. Release innocent wasps into a random arena, then watch as the tributes go nuts thinking they're tracker jackers

-that is, if you're willing to risk getting killed when they discover that they're just wasps (Crystal Silvera)

225. Write 'Your Mom' instead of names on ALL the reaping papers, then laugh loudly when Effie reads it (Crystal Silvera)

226. Ask Effie why her hair is so big, then say that it must be because it's stuffed full of secrets

-though it probably won't even come close to the secrets Finnick has (Crystal Silvera)

227. Tell the characters that they're, well, CHARACTERS. And that they're being controlled by an AWESOME but not-so-mentally-stable author named Suzanne Collins

(Crystal Silvera)

228. Cut peeta's hands up the day before the games (Othomasl)

229. Convince Gale to start working with nuclear bombs by telling him he needed to "Kick it up a notch!" (2Loaves-and-a-Dandelion)

230. While Katniss is pregnant ask her who knocked her up, Peeta or Gale  
-Then tell Peeta she said Gale. Then watch Peeta strangle Gale. Then wonder out loud how much the baby would look like it's parents if Gale was the father... while Peeta's in the room

231. Buy Cato a dog for his birthday (2Loaves-and-a-Dandelion)

232. Throw pebbles at Clove when she walks down the street screaming "DID YOU KILL HER!?" (2Loaves-and-a-Dandelion)

233. Compare Panem to Ho Chi Minh City, which has 12 numbered Districts (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

234. Introduce the guy from the Go Compare adverts to Katniss (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

235. Give Mrs. Everdeen a recording of explosions for her birthday (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

236. Dress up as a bee and attack Beetee (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

237. Ask if you can make a jumper out of Cashmere, to Cashmere's face (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

238. Cover Gloss in lip gloss (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

239. Ask Cinna if he and Caeser are related [in Roman History, Lucius Cornelius Cinna was Julius Caeser's father in law] (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

240. Give Snow a pet Mockingjay (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

241. Transport the characters from the movie to the book universe and sit back as everyone gets very confused

242. Try consoling anyone who's upset about Panem's injustice with, 'Well at least you're not a character in 1984!'

243. Every time Wiress says 'Tick Tock,' reply with 'on the the clock, DJ blow my speakers up tonight...'

244. Take the residents of the Seam to an all-you-can-eat buffet

-you DON'T want to to be the one left cleaning up that mess

245. Show _anybody_ this list

-I prefer remaining _alive _thank you very much!

* * *

**A/N: Happy New Year People! Didn't really plan to update today, but we reached 1500 views (!) for this, so THANKS GUYS! This one was kinda complicated cause I had to get suggestions from multiple chapters' reviews, so if I messed up feel free to tell me. **

**Special Thanks: Anieliliwe, brittish bird [wouldn't let me put the dot in, don't know why] shirapp, TheKunoichiOfTheDay, Eaglistic, TheMysteriousGeek2345, Crystal Silvera, and 2Loaves-and-a-Dandelion. More thanks for reviews to: Russian Clato Love, theGirlNightwing, Rachel Munroe, goldden eyes, and thomasinarose123. **

P.S I also don't own Girl on Fire, Ryan Seacrest, The Butter Battle Book, Forever Everdeen (Joey Richter as Peeta. Ron Weasley is Peeta! Ahhh!), Angry Birds, 'If I Die Young', Any Harry Potter characters, 'I'm a Survivor,' 1984, 'Tik Tock' or ANYTHING ELSE I referenced and forgot to add in this disclaimer.

**NOW REVIEW! Or be forced to wander through cages a Panem zoo... while covered in bacon perfume! **


	8. Chapter 8

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: GUYS GUYS GUYS I TOTALLY OWN THE HUNGER GAMES! SEE?! IT'S MINE ALLLLLLLL MINE! ALLLLL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHA!**_

_** *A few hours later, after the Tracker Jacker venom has worn off***_

_** I still own nothing...stupid reality **_

246. Do the Macarena as you rise into the arena on your platform

247. Make Annie the new spokesperson for Rebellion Propos

248. Tell Katniss she was right to shoot the apples in the training center and arena because APPLES ARE RUBBISH!

-okay, fine, it was probably a metaphor/symbol for choices or something like that but whatever!

249. Make bow ties, fezzes, and stetsons the Capitol's new fashion craze

250. Introduce Finnick Odair to one Perseus Jackson

251. Dance around the arena singing "Dumb ways to die! So many dumb ways to die!"

252. Use propos to inspire today's Superbowl advertisers to up their game a little more

253. Recommend the Hunger Games be turned into a much more painful and punishing singing competition

254. Get Cato Excalibur for his birthday, or Anduril, or the Sword of Gryffindor, or Riptide, or Brisingr or...just... no swords, okay?!

-not even butter knives, those things are _deadly_

255. Ask Gale how it feels being, not only "friend-zoned", but "cousin-zoned"

256. Introduce "Katniss Everdeen: The Girl on Fire" to "Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived" and "Bella Swan: The Girl Who Didn't do Anything"

257. Try to convince Katniss that she is a Daughter of Apollo

258. When the above fails, persuade her to join the Hunters of Artemis

-Peeta and Gale would would have simultaneous fits of misery

259. Take away all of Haymtich's alchohol and lock him in a room full of mouthwash and hand sanitizer

260. Try interbreeding a Mockingjay and Phoenix to create an even _better_ symbol for Katniss

261. Mess with District 13's schedule printers so that they all say "ALL DAY: Throw Water Balloons at President Coin"

262. Introduce Greasy Sae to Mrs. Lovett from 'Sweeney Todd.' They would either hit it off great or try and kill each other

-if it's the latter, I DON'T want to know what they do with the bodies

263. Swap all the Tracker Jacker Venom with Joker Venom

264. Ask "what the heck happened to all the other countries/continents?" in the Panem-Universe

265. Bring Katniss with you to a Pyromaniac Convention

266. Switch Haymitch's alcohol with a non-alcoholic beverage (blazinglizard09)

267. Bring multiple universes' characters together and watch as two Katniss-es, multiple Hawkeyes, multiple Green Arrows, and multiple Green Arrows' sidekicks ("Hey!"), have an archery contest. Meanwhile the Aphrodite children and Aphrodite herself from Percy Jackson and the Olympians give the Capitol people makeovers, and several villains and heroes and tributes and demigods and gods start warring it out. Then wonder loudly who did it when you know their attention is on you (theGirlNightwing)

268. Cut off every single character's beards (Well, all the characters that have beards) and give them all to Peeta

-The boy with the beards... (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

269. Unleash a bunch of Mockingjays on the Capitol and listen to them imitate the Capitolites' accents

-then record that and bring it to the Districts for their amusement (Crystal Silvera)

270. Replace the video that the Districts watch at the reapings with Twilight

-the Districts would literally DIE (Crystal Silvera)

271. Bring the THG cast (ALL of them, even the dead ones) into our world

-even though their confusion would be amusing, none of us want the FBI on our heels, telling us to get rid of the freaks who keep killing random people (Crystal Silvera)

272. Start a fashion trend based on the Capitol's way of dressing (Crystal Silvera)

273. Tell Peeta and Gale that Katniss has gotten together with Finnick

-when they realized the truth you'd be dead faster than you could say, "Sorry!"(Crystal Silvera)

274. Convince Peeta to start using bread words in place of normal ones

-I'm quite sure Katniss wouldn't appreciate the words "I loaf you" (Crystal Silvera)

275. After doing the above, tell Katniss that she _kneads _to get _bready_, since she's in for a bit of a _jam. _After it's gone on for a couple of _flours _thngs'll go _a rye _when it quits being _bun-ny _and she _breads _him to stop. Oh well, if it makes things feel any _butter,_ at _yeast _you'll still have Peeta's confused expression to laugh at when Katniss _doughs _crazy.

276. Allie with an old lady (Othomasl2003)

- even 80 year olds

277. Introduce the Capitol to Katy Perry (kk7)

278. Insist that Capitol civilians are aliens (kk7)

279. Use roses as decorations at Katniss's wedding (kk7)

280. Tell President Snow that he should be called Dictator Snow instead (kk7)

281. When Katniss get to the tree with the lightning (Guest)

282. Sing 'Prim has a little lamb'

- it's a goat (Guest)

283. Sing "Die Young" by Ke$ha in the arena, LOUD (Emily)

284. Steal all of Clove's knives and blame Foxface (Cabin6Camper)

285. Make fun of Glimmer for not knowing how to use the bow and arrow (Cabin6Camper)

286. When doing Glimmers hair, instead of using a hair bow, put an actual bow (Cabin6Camper)

287. Whenever you see a Mutt, sing 'Who let the dogs out' then say "seriously who released the mutts?" (Cabin6Camper)

288. Swap the District 13 uniforms for Capitol clothes and give the Capitol the District 13 uniforms (Demetersdaughter)

289. Ask Greasy Sae if she stole Madge's pin (TacosOfEpicness)

290. Show Effie to the Doctor

- he'll yell at her "Whatever you are, leave the planet in peace! Please, you're scaring the children!" (TacosOfEpicness)

291. When Wiress says 'tick tock' start singing:

'Tick tock, goes the clock  
Even for the Doctor  
Tick, tock goes the clock  
Now prison waits for River.' (TacosOfEpicness)

292. Make Peeta watch the movie. At random times ask him if that was real or not real (Ohsoclovely18)

293. Call Foxface "Foxface" to her fox-face

294. Bring a psychologist with you, give it a while and soon even the shrink will have resorted to Finnick's 'get your feelings out with rope' technique

295. Use a universe hopping device to steal characters from various fandoms to enter in one HUGE Hunger Games that lasts for decades

- Because that's what crossovers are for, duh!

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait everybody, thanks for the influx of reviews though! :D Computer being a bit odd, so tell me if I messed up on anything.**

**Special Thanks: blazinglizard09, TheMysteriousGeek2345, theGirlNightwing, Crystal Silvera, Othomasl2003, kk7, Emily, Cabin6Camper, Demetersdaughter, TacosOfEpicness, Ohsoclovely18, and Anonymous Guests. Thanks for Reviews coming from: Rachel Munroe, Russianleaf, goldden eyes, and Anonymous Guests. THANKS EVERYBODY! **

P.S: Don't own Doctor Who, Percy Jackson, Dumb Ways to Die, Twilight (If this is getting too Twilight bash-y I have nothing against Twilight, it's just for humor purposes!), LOTR, Eragon, Sweeney Todd, Batman, Hawkeye, Green Arrow, Katy Perry, 'Die Young', or Tik Tok. Or other franchises I mentioned without adding here.

P.P.S: The Guest awhile back who asked about Peeta and green tights, if you're reading this, Google 'Peeta Pan,' click 'images' and enjoy :)

**NOW REVIEW! OR FACE BUTTERCUP'S WRATH!**


	9. Chapter 9

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem **

_**Disclaimer: If I owned the Hunger Games, the majority of these things probably would've happened already. In other words, be glad I own nothing.**_

296. Spray paint the Capitol food neon colors, nobody's going to notice

297. Invent the HG equivalent of Harry Potter's 'Drapple' (Draco/Apples)

-Given Katniss's love/hate relationship with apples, don't think that would work out very well. Katniss/Lamb Stew then?

298. Let Hagrid _anywhere_ near the Mutt labs

299. Tell Dumbledore that Seneca has an awesomer beard than him

300. Insist you're from District 9 3/4

301. Bring Voldemort with you

-he'll use Capitol technology to grow a nose and then steal all of their wigs

302. Have Cato scream "GERONIMO!" as he falls to the Mutts

303. Use a universe hopping machine to introduce Gale to his 'brother' Thor

304. Remind the Seam that they always have the option of eating each other :D

305. Give Clove some paper before she heads for the Cornucopia feast, then use her as living proof paper does not beat rock

306. Have Tigris star in her own production of the musical 'Cats'

- Buttercup will insist on joining and be a _total_ diva

307. Waltz into Katniss's dad's funeral singing "All the single ladies, all the single ladies..."

308. Ask Peeta if his brothers' names are Rye and Wheet

309. Name Peeta and Katniss's kids Catnip and Tortilla

310. Use Mutt technology to creat your own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

311. Give Peeta his own cake-themed TLC show

312. Push a cute boy into a vase after he admits his lifelong crush on you

313. Be best friends with Gale for years, then do nothing

314. Spelll "Capitol," Capital. U DONT SPELLLL IT LIEK THIS!

315. Make Marvel join the military then make him a Captain

-then give him a Spiderman costume

-and then make him join the Avengers

316. Invite Peeta to come live on 221B Baker Street

317. Use the Chocolate Waterfall Room from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as the next arena

318. Have Haymitch coach a little league team

319. Make Buttercup into a real life Nyan Cat

-Katniss: "Like he wasn't annoying enough!"

320. Compare how in both Percy Jackson and Hunger games bad things happen to twins named Castor and Pollux. Especially Castor. (HpHgPj)

321. Steal a peace keeper outfit (HpHgPj)

322. If you did the above go up to Katniss in the outfit and say that she's under arrest for animal abuse (HpHgPj)

323. Switch Haymitch's drink out with butterbeer or firewhiskey (HpHgPj)

324. Kill a random, innocent Capitol lady with an arrow to the throat and then steal her stuff. _Katniss! _(HpHgPj)

325. Transport yourself to the "Europe" area of the world, only to discover that there's a Europian Panem (theGirlNightwing)

326. Decide to give Katniss a mask, plop her down in the middle of the Justice League/Young Justice "Sixteen hours" meeting, and yell in the guise of one of the superheroes that she works for the Light (theGirlNightwing)

327. Have the people at The Darwin Rewards rate Foxface's death (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

328. Make A President Snow snowman (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

329. On your death bed, ask all the Hunger Games characters to be the Easter bunny, and then watch from the afterlife as they make a production of Watership down. (Or kill each other) (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

330. Go into a shower with Johanna (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

331. Sing 'I kill Snow' in the Capitol (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

332. Introduce Peeta Mellark to his hijacked self. That would greatly change the course of the books when one of them kills the other (nintendgal101)

333. Yell at annie to be quiet for no reason (shirapp)

When ever someone talks about the rebellion sing "The Blood of Angry Men" (Keb85)

334. Throw in a bunch of animals from our world into a Hunger Games, and then scream, "OH MY GOD IT'S A MUTT!" at a harmless corn snake (Crystal Silvera)

335. Take all characters you know from every series you've ever read, dump them into a huge white boxed room, and watch as the THG characters try to kill everyone in sight (Crystal Silvera)

336. Take Buttercup and throw him into ShadowClan, then name him Buttercupstar, leader of ShadowClan (Crystal Silvera)

337. Chuck blueberries at tributes and scream, "IT'S NIGHTLOCK IT'S NIGHTLOCK!" (Crystal Silvera)

338. Run around Panem, screaming/declaring loudly that you now ship "Peeniss"

-not a good idea. At all. (Crystal Silvera)

339. Dump mythological/fictitious animals into the arena, and see what happens

-ESPECIALLY don't dump a Vraal (Deltora Quest) in there! (Crystal Silvera)

340. Tease Katniss about having nightmares (kk7)

341. Give free morphling shots in flu season

-it really wouldn't help (kk7)

342. Give morphling shots at all (kk7)

343. Reprogram explosive mines (kk7)

344. Dress up as Coin and visit Katniss in the middle of the night (Guest)

345. Make a return of the hunger games special on Capitol television staring all the named tributes from the 74th and their actors. Lets see who wins this one! (Guest)

346. Make up theme songs for everyone in the hunger games universe and I mean EVERYONE (Emily)

347. Make the characters read the books and see the movie (Emily)

348. Photoshop Seneca's beard onto any thing that rhymes with Crane for instance: Seneca train, Seneca rain, Seneca game, Seneca candy cane, ect (Emily)

349. Give Johanna tons of air freshener to 'remind her of home'

350. Play darts with Clove

351. Tell Enobaria you'll come with her to her family reunion, then end up at a party with a shark and some sparkly vampires

352. Take: Katniss, Tris (of Divergent), Cassia (of Matched), Lena (of Delirium), Tally (of Uglies), and just for fun, Thomas (of the Maze Runner) and have them start a support group/knitting circle. Here, they could discuss their totalitarian governments, sort-of post-apocalyptic societies, and respective love triangles, all while making lovely scarves.

* * *

**A/N: CHAPTER 9! Hoping you enjoyed that...uh, I'm thinking another themed update for the next one. Valentine's day themed suggestions please! If I get enough of those, all the others will go in the next next update like last time. **

**Special Thanks: HpHgPj, theGirlNightwing, TheMysteriousGeek2345, nintendgal101, shirapp, Keb85, Crystal Silvera, kk7, Emily, and guests. **

**More Thanks: ILikePie99, Ohsoclovely18, goldden eyes, LiveLaughLoveReadForever, Wiress (No plans to mess with Beetee! But...glad to see you like it, I think. Oh and glad you're alive too!)**

P.S: Don't own: Harry Potter, Doctor Who (okay...they don't own 'Geronimo' either, oh well), Thor, Cats , Single Ladies, TMNT, TLC, Spiderman, Captain Marvel, the Avengers, Sherlock (just started watching that actually, hence the cheesy reference:)), CatCF, Percy Jackson, Young Justice, The Blood of Angry Men, Warriors, Divergent, Matched, Delirium, Uglies, or the Maze Runner.

**So we are currently at 99 reviews. Anybody wanna remedy that? REVIEW! Or _don't_ make me super-mega-ultra-over-the-moon happy! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	10. Valentine's Day!

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem: Valentine's Edition**

**_Disclaimer: acciojubjubird is to ownership of the Hunger Games, as Katniss is to being left alone by the Capitol._**

**_ As much as I wish it was so, 'tis but a hopeless fantasy. I don't own a thing. Happy Valentine's Day everyone! This one's short since I felt the need to post it on Valentine's Day_**

353. Set Katniss up on a nice blind date...with Buttercup

354. Enlist some Avoxes to help you serenade your beloved with cheesy love songs

355. Give the girl you like some burnt bread that's soaking wet and covered in dirt.

356. Tell the person you like that you like them by saying, "You're the last person I'd kill in the Arena"

-bit of a mixed message, that...

357. Ask Pre-Mockingjay Finnick what his Valentine's plans are...we don't wanna know and neither does he

358. Go out for a nice romantic picnic in a Tracker Jacker infested field

359. Ask an Avox to marry you on Valentine's day, chances are they're not going to say yes

360. Send Katniss on a nice double date. That is, with Gale AND Peeta at the same time.

361. Google 'Hunger Games Pick-up Lines' and then use them

362. Switch out Katniss's bow with Cupid's

363. Swap out Haymitch's drink with some Amortentia from Harry Potter

364. Tell a Tribute:

_Spilled blood is red_

_Nightlock is blue_

_I don't want to be dead_

_So instead I'll kill you!_

365. Pair a heartbroken Gale up with a pleasant girl named Mary Sue

366. Have President Snow dress up as Cupid

367. Let Haymitch and Effie be your V-day planners

368. Force Coin and Snow to sleep with each other (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

369. Blow up Prim and insist it was your attempt at a Valentine's day present (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

370. Help Careers make lovely red valentines, stained red with their victims' blood

371. Have Mrs. Everdeen, Hazelle Hawthorne, and Annie start a Lonely Hearts Club for V-day. Given Panem's atmoshpere it'll probably be too full to move

372. Set two snares, one for Gale and one for Peeta,up for them in the middle of the woods right across from each other. Make them step in them and then leave (Keb85)

373. Give Madge a large valentine signed "From Gale" I doubt Gale with enjoy you messing with his love life

-Same goes for Johanna (nintendgal101)

374. Tell Gale and Peeta that Katniss will only love the winner of a duel to death (hphgpj)

375. Create Pink Dove Mutts that smell like perfume and poop glitter

376. Randomly start singing marry the night by lady gaga at finnick and Annie's wedding (Claire)

377. Serenade Finnick and tell him he's too Sexy, bringing Sexy back, and Sexy and he knows it (Guest)

378. Let Captiol citizens anywhere near candy on V-Day, they consume enough as it is

379. Send Katniss roses. A lot of them. And then tell her they're from Snow (Crystal Silvera)

380. Launch into a huge, beat-around-the-bush speech, and then say at the end, "So basically, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY?! TOO EXPENSIVE OR SOMETHING?" (Crystal Silvera)

380. Ask President Snow and President Coin what they're doing for Valentine's Day

-nothing of course, they're too busy preparing for President's Day

* * *

**A/N: This was proabably filled with typos because it's the most rushed chapter I've ever done. Also this was short. Sorry. (Chances are I'll think up a dozen more of these right after I've posted, ugh) Next update will hopefully be soon, non V-day suggestions from last chapter will go there. **

**Special Thanks: TheMysteriousGeek2345, Keb85, nintendgal101, hphgpj, Claire, Crystal Silvera, and Guests**

**More Thanks: blazinglizard09 (100TH REVIEWER! EEK! THANKS!), Jessica/ Anieliliwe (forever alone, together!), Rachel Munroe, Warriors Fan1342, kk7 , goldden eyes, District13.111, and Guests. **

**IMPORTANT THING THAT IS PROBABLY NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU BUT REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME! EGOATS IF YOU'RE READING THIS GO AWAY!: **** Sort of a favor, please go to my friend egoats's page, read something, and review. PLEASE? It's her birthday, and this is phase 1 of my evil birthday plan. (not really evil, but please?) Also, my fictionpress. There is now a link on my page (hope it worked) and a poem there (also for egoats's b-day but you can read it if you want) might be joined by something else eventually, no clue, but just telling you it's there!) **

P.S: don't own Harry Potter, Lady Gaga, or any songs from #377

**Now REVIEW! or be faced with a Cupid-Costumed Snow (you can't unsee that guys!) Happy V-day! **


	11. Chapter 11

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem **

_**Disclaimer: Maybe there's an alternate universe in which I own the hunger games. But it's most certainly not this one. (If anybody owns a TARDIS, feel free to message me. If nobody knows what a TARDIS is, google it, you poor uneducated soul. [kidding!] But seriously, I don't own the Hunger Games**_

381. Resurrect Snow and Coin for Presidents' Day

382. Bring Winnie the Pooh with you

-Tracker Jackers do not produce honey and the 'Hunger' Games are not a means of getting it.

383. Mention the phrase 'meat dress' ANYWHERE within the Capitol

384. Introduce Panem to the phrase 'fml'

385. Post-Mockingjay, ask Gale if he killed Bambi's mommy too

386. Play Hangman with Seneca

387. Have Annie become a spokesperson for Crest toothpaste

388. Confuse Peeta, pita, and PETA

-PETA will be too busy liberating the Mutts to play 'starcrossed lover,' Peeta will not appreciate you trying to eat him, and pita will probably get eaten before it can help any animals. Most likely _by_ said animals.

389. Accuse Katniss and Peeta of stealing Romeo & Juliet's thunder

390. Make an arena based off of Doctor Who, where the mutts are made up of all the villains he has faced (Cybermen, Weeping Angels, Daleks, Silence*****, etc) (blazinglizard09)

391. Introduce Johanna to BBC Sherlock's Irene Adler

392. 'Accidently' shoot Coin instead of Snow (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

393. Yell out that Panem is a dystopia (kk7)

394. Announce that the shower made you smell like roses (kk7)

395. Insist that Katniss should shoot bread out of her bow instead of arrows (kk7)

396. Allow Hawkeye and Katniss to openly criticize each other

- _Might_ end up in a fist fight (kk7)

397. If after doing the above they do get in a fist fight, make bets on who would win (kk7)

398. Bring back ALL the characters that died... then convince them that they must do a soul exchange to live again (Crystal Silvera)

-in other words, telling them that, to live again, they must kill somebody. Katniss, watch out - about a gazillion Panemians are going to target _you_! (Crystal Silvera)

399. Toss the following monsters into the arena: [previously mentioned] Vraal/Green Beasts, the seven Ak-Baba (basically, Ak-Baba are vultures times one hundred in size and cunning), serpents, any dragons from the Diamond tribe (Diamond dragons are the most aggressive), Bubblers (sort of like squid tentacles that are just really dangerous), Kobb (really, really deadly walrus-ish things), Grippers and Blood Lilies (carnivorous plants . . . just not something you'd want to encounter), mean trees, ANY of the guardians (all of them were just horrible monsters), and any other crazy, insane, deadly, lethal monsters you can think of (Crystal Silvera)

400. Tell Johanna that she has a pass to free swimming lessons, and that they're mandatory (Crystal Silvera)

401. Announce to the Peacekeepers and Gamemakers that they're FIRED, and then watch the chaos that follows while laughing (Crystal Silvera)

402. Dress up as Rue, complete with the flowers, and then walk like a zombie into Katniss's house, saying, "I AM ALIVE!" (Crystal Silvera)

403. Take Caesar to Little Caesar's (Crystal Silvera)

404. Ask Foxface what her real name is (Crystal Silvera)

405. Do nothing as your kinda-sorta-not really girlfriend walks to her death  
- _*cough cough* GALE! (_District13.111 _)_

406. Let Peeta throw loaves of bread at a moody Gale (Ashbrie13)

407. Watch the movie adaptation with Peeta and, after it's over, say, "Well it's a good thing Katniss saved that leg of yours." (ForFutureReference)

408. Explain the concept of the Volstead Act to Haymitch. Then announce that it has been implemented in Panem. (ForFutureReference)

409. Have 12 characters from percy Jackson and 12 hunger games characters in the arena (district13.111)

410. Have Percy Jackson and Cato face off (district13.111)

411. Introduce PJO's Castor and Pollux to Mockinglay's Castor and Pollux

412. Stage the next Quarter Quell in the Labyrinth

413. Turn the 'Hunger Games' into the 'Hugger Games'

414. Insist 'Benedict Cumberbatch' is a name worthy of the Capitol, even though it totally is

415. Congratulate Movie-Katinss on her Academy Award Win

416. Get Katniss a deer-stalker hat and insist it will make her a better hunter

417. Encourage the Capitol to start a 'PRESIDENT SNOW IS WATCHING YOU' campain

418. Dress up as Finnick, go to Annie's house, and see what happens. (Guest)

419. Dress up as Maysilee and visit Haymitch (Guest)

420. Replace Haymitch's beer with dishwashing liquid (Guest)

421. Steal Beetee's glasses (Guest)

422. After doing the above, watch as he goes up and down District 13 looking for them (Guest)

423. Get birds anywhere near Maysilee (Guest)

424. Replace Paylor's automatic weapon with a toy gun (Guest)

425. Tell Cecelia that Titus ate her children (Hinata Everdeen)

426. Ask Woof if his siblings are named Bark and Howl (Hinata Everdeen)

427. Set Paylor up on a date with Thread

-She might just get her gun and use him for target practice (Hinata Everdeen)

428. Dye a bird pink and give it to Maysilee

-She won't appreciate it (Hinata Everdeen)

429. Give Katniss a recording of Prim's screams for her birthday (Hinata Everdeen)

430. Set your fave THG characters up on blind dates with random people (Hinata Everdeen)

431. Sing "Torn Between Two Lovers" whenever Katniss, Gale, and Peeta are in the same place at the same time (Hinata Everdeen)

432. Burp a lot when having dinner with Effie (Hinata Everdeen)

433. Make any comments about Wiress's nickname being 'Nuts' (Guest)

434. Since today ( 2/25/13) is Isabelle Fuhrman's (clove) birthday:  
- have Effie and Glimmer throw Clove a surprise party and have clove cut the cake with her knives.  
- get Clove a pet lizard  
- give her a rock and tell her its from Thresh (ohsoclovely18)

435. Become a math teacher purely so you can say "May the odd numbers be ever in your favor"

436. Introduce any of the characters to us, the insane THG fans

-once again, they would either 1) kill us 2) mess up our whole society/life/anything else 3) go _seriously_ nuts (Crystal Silvera)

437. Hyperventilate due to the new Catching Fire poster

-Oh, who am I kidding? That's impossible.

* * *

**A/N: Chapter 11! And to think I never expected this to go beyond #25... Sorry for delay, I've been trying to write for my other story (keyword: _trying_) and getting myself addicted to BBC Sherlock. Feel free to point out my typos, chances are I have a bucketload. **

**Special Thanks for this chapter: blazinglizard09, TheMysteriousGeek2345, kk7, Crystal Silvera, District13.111, Hinata Everdeen, ohsoclovely18, Ashbrie13, ForFutureReference, and Guests**

**More thanks: shirapp, Rachel Munroe, HpHgPj, Warriors Fan1342, Rose , and Bookworm1998**

P.S: Don't own Doctor Who, Winnie the Pooh, Bambi, PETA, Romeo and Juliet, Sherlock, Hawkeye, Deltora Quest, Little Caesar's, Torn Between Two Lovers, or any people mentioned here. (Sorry for all the Wholock references, I'm suffering from withdrawal...even though I just finished Sherlock Series 2 three days ago...and congrats to J-Law on her Oscar win!)

P.P.S: *****Can't remember what a Silence is... you think it has anything to do with these mysterious tally marks on my arms?

**NOW REVIEW! OR BE BLUDGEONED BY KATNISS'S OSCAR!**


	12. Chapter 12

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games. I am not affiliated with Suzanne Collins, Lionsgate, Scholastic, or any of their affiliates. Come to think of it, I don't even own the majority of the things posted below; many come from the amazing amazingness that is you readers and reviewers. None of this is for profit, I make no money from this. This is purely for my entertainment and the entertainment of others. I make no claim to the ownership of the Hunger Games.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

_**I also do not like normal disclaimers. **_

_**I don't plan to do it again. **_

* * *

438. Organize Panem Harlem Shake

439 . Get Beetee a T shirt with a bee on it

440. Invite Johanna to come singing in the rain with you

441. Confuse Panem and Panema

442. Employ all the Avoxes as mimes

443. Ask Gale how his ongoing relationship with Hannah Montana is going

444. Make the Avoxes new Buckingham Palace guards

445. Replace the Games with a rousing game of Quidditch and/or Vampire Baseball

446. Mix up Peeta, Gale and Cato

-"hey look there's Peeta, no that's Gale, no that's CATO!"

447. Allow Cookie Monster to enter the Games

448. Make Katniss a crime-fighting vigilante called "The Mockingjay" with sidekicks "Primrose the Girl Wonder" (Prim), "Dandelion" (Peeta) and "Stormegeddon Dark Lord of All" (Buttercup)

-_actually_... _can somebody please write this? _

449. Sum the Hunger Games up as, "a book about a hunger girl who won't kiss her boyfriend"

450. Write fanfiction in which you're Cato and the Wolf Mutts are eating you graphically...among other things

451. Allow Katniss to host Saturday Night Live

452. Make Nightlock Pop-Tarts

453. Tell Rue that they _can _kill you without catching you, thanks to a handy invention called an arrow

454. Give Cato a lightsaber

455. Tell Alma that she and Snow are two sides of the same "Coin"

456. Transport everybody into "High School Musical"

457. Have Titus and Enobaria go on a blind date with each other (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

458. Ask if Katniss and Peeta named their kids Hallah and Cole (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

459. Beg them NOT to name their kids the above (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

460. Ask Gale what it's like to be blow up his cousin (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

461. Force everyone in Panem to watch you eat (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

462. Get Marvel rue flowers (TypeWriter'sAreCool)

463. Ask Effie if she is Team Gale or Team Peeta (gummybearlover22)

464. Sell all the tributes as hookers

-they would kill you (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

465. insist prim is a descendent of Apollo because she can heal well (district13.111)

466. As Katniss walks up to the stage for the interviews, yell "Don't trip! Don't trip! Don't trip!" (GingerRavenclaw)

467. Announce on Panem-wide TV that Peeta is a PITA (Crystal Silvera)

-highly doubt he'll take that kindly

468. Give Snow a cage of Mockingjays for his birthday  
-or Christmas, but on Christmas he gets -you guessed it-COAL On behalf of District 12!(Crystal Silvera)

469. Tell Foxface that she was stupid enough to eat the Nightlock even though she was best at the edible-plants test thing . . . because we all know she committed suicide! DUH! (Crystal Silvera)

470. Force the Twilight cast to participate in the Hunger Games (Crystal Silvera)

471. Tease Katniss about tripping over her dress on the red carpet (Crystal Silvera)

472. Visit one of the Hunger Games sites and blow it up (Crystal Silvera)

-thanks for the nuclear bombs, District 13! (Crystal Silvera)

473. Make a fortune selling Finnick's naked pictures (Guest)

474. Sing "I Wanna See Your Peacock" at Finnick and Annie's wedding (Guest)

475. Direct a vampire movie starring Enobaria (Guest)

476. Ask Jackson if she's a member of the Jackson 5 (Guest)

477. Hire Finnick as your new lifeguard

478. Have Annabeth (from Percy Jackson) and Katniss have a shooting contest to see who is the best (Littlemonster99)

479. Have _Zoe _(from Percy Jackson) and Katniss have a shooting contest to see who's best

480. As the parachutes fall and subsequently explode over Capitol children sing, "Baby you're a FIREWORK!..."

481. Call Leeg 1 and Leeg 2 Thing 1 and Thing 2 (cottoncandy33)

482. Replace all the peacekeepers' guns with water guns (Claire)

483. Turn the Hunger Games into a Disney movie

484. Replace the Wolf Mutts from the Arena with Chihuahuas

485. Get: Katniss's Dad, Gale's Dad, Maysilee Donner, Prim, Rue, Cato, Clove, Foxface, Marvel, Thresh, Glimmer, Cinna, Mags, Finnick, Castor, Coin, Snow, Boggs, the majority of District 12 (never mind, there is no District 12), Wiress, the Morphlings, Chaff, Boggs, Leeg 2, Jackson, Gloss, the other non-victor tributes, and every other dead person together to sing Stayin' Alive.

486. Tell anybody to "Keep Calm and Wait for Catching Fire"

-What is this "calm" of which you speak?!

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone! Given the AVPSY release (hence #449 and #450), Doctor Who returning soon, and Sherlock series 3 possibly staring filming I am on fangirl overload. Also, friend of mine recently became HG addicted, hence #446 (you'd better be reading this Monkey Girl.) So close to being almost halfway there! :D As usual, typo/ error point outs more than welcome. You people are totally awesome. **

**SuggestionThanks: TypeWriter'sAreCool, gummybearlover22, TheMysteriousGeek2345, district13.111, ****GingerRavenclaw, Crystal Silvera (been here from the beginning:)), Littlemonster99, cottoncandy33, Claire, and Guests**

**Reviewers: shirapp, akcanine, Rachel Munroe, Anieliliwe (hedgehogs!), Ashbrie13, and Rose**

P.S: Do not own Harlem Shake, Quidditch, Vampire Baseball, Hannah Montana, AVPSY, Harry Potter, SNL, HSM, Twilight, IWSYP, Percy Jackson, or any other franchises mentioned here.

P.P.S: This fic has apparently inspired 1000 Things to Not do in the Wizarding World by HpHgPj, which is funny and you are free to it check out

**NOW REVIEW OR BE FORCEFED NIGHTLOCK POP-TARTS!**


	13. Chapter 13

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem **

_**Disclaimer: Ownership to the Hunger Games was not in any of my easter eggs. Just sugar. Nothing wrong with sugar though, after all that is what's keeping me awake enough to continue typing this. I do not own the Hunger Games.**_

* * *

487. Hold a giant killer Easter egg hunt in the Arena

488. Demand Wiress shut up by telling her to "become a digital clock"

489. Get the Districts to go vegan

490. Get Cinna on Project Runway

491. Wonder, since we know what regular Capitol citizens look like, what Capitol _clowns _look like

492. Laugh while President Snow dies

493. Ask Catching Fire Katniss who she wants to be with and follow up with, "Now Katniss I thought we agreed not to lie to each other?"

494. Toast marshmallows on Katniss and Peeta's capes

495. Turn the Gamemakers into the Matchmakers

496. Convert the Hunger Games into a children's TV show

497. Buy Katniss some rose scented perfume.

498. Ask Gale if he's a wind spirit

499. Ask Marvel if he has a twin named DC

500. Let acciojubjubbird do any of these things. (Queen of the Type Writers)

501. Give Marvel Primroses (Queen of the Type Writers)

502. Let Finnick meet Aphrodite...

-Girls girls, you're both pretty! (Queen of the Type Writers)

503. Frolic around Panem telling people, "Two boys want my kisses! Now I know how Katniss feels!" (Anieliliwe )

504. Get Tris (Divergent), Sam (Gone), Winston (1984), Katniss and Gene (The Hunt), along with other dystopian characters to talk about corrupt societies (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

505. Get the wolf mutts anywhere near Buttercup (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

506. Introduce Katniss to Alvin and the Chipmunks! (TheMysteriousGeek2345)

507. See how Effie will react to Gandalf, and his crew in the capitol. If she thinks that Katniss has bad manners she has a lot to learn (HpHgPj)

508. Force Cato, Peeta and Gale into a locked room and put Magic Mike on repeat (Watercatcher7984)

509. Ask Katniss if she had a nice trip at the Oscars (Watercatcher7984)

510. Get Hawkeye (Avengers),Merida (Brave), Green Arrow (DC comics), and Katniss into an arena and make them fight to the death (Pabulover123)

511. Convince Katniss to star as herself in the Hunger Games films

512. Put killer My Little Ponies in the 50th Quarter Quell Arena

513. Force Katniss to marry Snow and Peeta to marry Coin

- I DO NOT think that Katniss and Peeta will that lightly (geust)

514. Make some nightlock pancakes and feed them to various Panemians

515. Dump a bucket of water on Katniss and yell "HA! I PUT OUT THE GIRL ON FIRE'S FLAME!" (Emily)

516. Introduce Peeta to his "I'm Peeta and I know it" parody (Emily)

517. Use Mutt technology to make yourself a Centaur

518. Relentlessly tease Panem about how they seem to hold bread at such high importance (Crystal Silvera)

519. Make a poster for Katniss reading "KEEP CALM AND OVERTHROW DYSTOPIAN GOVERNMENTS" (Crystal Silvera)

520. Make a game out of the Hunger Games (Crystal Silvera)

521. Take a poll in Panem asking, "Would you rather volunteer for the Hunger Games or become President Snow's personal servant for a week?" (Crystal Silvera)

522. Every time you see an Avox, start talking to them and when they don't answer you back ask, "What is it? Cat got your tongue?" (Crystal Silvera)

523. Basically ask /everyone/ in Panem if they're aware where their names come from

-usually they're a) a word; or b) name of somebody/something else (Crystal Silvera)

524. Tell Snow that instead of killing Cinna, he should have sent him to the past where he shall work as a stylist for Lady Gaga (Rachel Munroe)

525. Try to play Sims with the arena in the control room (Rachel Munroe)

526. Force Katniss to read a rated M Gale/Peeta fanfic (Rachel Munroe)

527. Try to make Peeta, Gale, Haymitch, and Finnick the next biggest boyband (Rachel Munroe)

528. Host the Hunger Games in Hogwarts (kk7)

529. Steal Finnick's trident (kk7)

530. Play the song Radioactive by Imagine Dragons loudly throughout the Capitol (kk7)

531. Ask President Coin if her hobby is to collect change (kk7)

532. Switch Lady gaga and Effie's clothes - they probably couldn't tell the difference anyways (Littlemonster99 )

533. When you see Effie shout, " what is Lady Gaga doing here?" (Littlemonster99 )

534. Spread the word that Lady Gaga is really a Panem citizen who came to our present via time machine

-she doesn't want the truth to come out just yet

535. Ask Gloss if he has any lipgloss (Abby)

536. Give Glimmer a cage of bees for her birthday

- unless you want certain consequences (blueice2449)

537. Lock Lady Gaga and all the wacky Panem style designers in a room full of clothing and samurai swords (blueice2449)

538. Sing "We are the Champions" when all the winners of the past Hunger Games are there (blueice2449)

539. Ask Foxface if she's foxy, then ask her if her name is Foxelia or Russhell or Sinopa or Vulpine (blueice2449)

540. Ask the people who live in the Seam of they're called Seamstresses or Seamba [Simba, protagonist of The Lion King] (blueice2449)

541. Switch Haymitch's beer with nectar from PJO (blueice2449)

542. Give Coin a penny, a nickel, a dime, a quarter, and a 50 cent coin for her birthday (blueice2449)

543. Have Artemis and her hunters to have a shooting contest with Katniss (blueice2449)

544. Give Snow Mockingjays that mock him (blueice2449)

545. Take one of those throw-up thingies and vomit all over the food (blueice2449)

546. When Haymitch drinks, sing 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse (Littlemonster99)

547. Place a smoke machine in the Seam (Littlemonster99)

548. Sing "Blame it On the Alcohol" whenever Haymitch enters a room

549. Host a knife throwing contest between Clove and Divergent's Four (roses are white)

550. Launch a Panem version of Playboy and put Finnick's picture on the cover (roses are white)

551. Ask Thread if he has siblings named Yarn and Needle (roses are white)

552. Dress up as Mr. Everdeen, visit his wife's house, and yell, "Honey, I'm home!" (roses are white)

553. Put itching powder in Effie's wig before she puts it on (roses are white)

554. Steal Cato's knife

-Or any of Cato's weapons, for that matter (roses are white)

555. Ask Katniss and Peeta to name their daughter Rose

-Or perhaps Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way

-In either case, Katniss would kill you (roses are white)

556. Trap Snow in his own personal "Snow Globe"

557. Introduce Prim to Sakura from the anime series Naruto (roses are white)

558. Insist Thread is from District 8 because his name's, well, Thread (roses are white)

559. Ask Jackson if she can moonwalk (roses are white)

560. Give Foxface nightlock berries and say they're blueberries.

-She _may_ not be able to tell the difference

561. Ask Annie if she's little and an orphan (Pyromaniac Monkey Girl)

562. Teach a bunch of Jabberjays curse words and set them loose in the Capitol

-or better yet, have them attack Effie

563. Light yourself on fire to get the "Katniss Everdeen" look

564. Switch out Finnick and Poseidon's tridents

565. Let Peeta mope because people always forget _he was on fire too_!

566. Note that since when they had an odd number of districts one of them got bombed,so the odds were probably not in their favor

567. Give all of Panem a statistics class so they can figure out for themselves whether or not the odds are ever in their favor

568. Sing Annie Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal"

-Finnick is dead so NO SHE IS NOT OKAY!

569. Lock Haymitch and Percy Jackson's Mr. D in a room together without any alcohol

570. Let Katniss become the next Panem-wide pop singing sensation

571. Throw your computer across the room for continually trying to correct all of the characters' names

572. Allow Disney access to Mutt technology

573. Poke Finnick repeatedly with a fork

- or Cato repeatedly with an arrow

-or Rue repeatedly with a spear

574. Sing the Avoxes "Don't Speak" by No Doubt

575. Note how the Peacekeeper named Thread got placed in the Seam

576. Wonder if Buttercup and Tigress's ship name is "Catness"

577. Hire Greasy Sae as your school cafeteria lunch lady

-she gives a whole new meaning to the term "mystery meat"

578. Create a Panem version of "Lady and the Tramp" starring Prim's goat

579. Tell Marvel that spearing people is very _Rue'd _

580. Let acciojubjubbird actually find 1,000 things (Queen of the Type Writers)

* * *

**A/N: OK maybe not that last one, HA! We now have as many chapters as Districts and are over halfway there! Also, was that nearly a hundred of these in one chapter?! *cue happy dance* **

**Sorry for the wait, I went snowboarding and have lingering Potter feels from AVPSY. Happy Easter and Passover to those who celebrate it! I was thinking, and instead of crediting those who donate their brilliant suggestions both beside said suggestions _and _in the bottom special thanks, I may just do the Special Thanks and say which suggestions belonged to whom beside that. Review thanks shall remain the same. This is to conserve time and hopefully limit typos, if you're against this then I won't do it. Error point outs encouraged.**

P.S: Don't own: Disney, Project Runway, AVPSY, Starkid (no matter how much I love them), Marvel, DC, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Pixar, Lady Gaga, Imagine Dragons, any of the songs named, pretty much anything in terms of franchises.

P.P.S: If anyone can come up with a name for the potential boy band in #527 I will love you forever

Special Thanks: Queen of the Type Writers, Anieliliwe, TheMysteriousGeek2345, HpHgPj, Watercatcher7984, Pabulover123, Emily, geust, Crystal Silvera, Rachel Munroe, kk7,blueice2449, Littlemonster99, Abby, roses are white, and Pyromaniac Monkey Girl (you don't have an account but you know who you are)

Review Thanks (we set a record in terms of reviews for this chapter by the way! poptarts are persuasive...): theGirlNightwing, Fangirl in a fandom world, ImagineThePossibility, Ashbrie13, Rose, akcanine, shirapp, Lime Green Squirrel, books-are-brain-food456, and Guests.

**NOW REVIEW! OR BE PELTED WITH COIN'S HYPOTHETICAL COIN COLLECTION! (maybe I should come up with a more threatening threat...)**


	14. Chapter 14

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem**

_**Disclaimer: Once upon a time, there was a zebra named Geoffrey. Geoffrey was a magic zebra who delivered wishes on people's birthdays, such as panda bears, or ownership of certain franchises. One day, Geoffrey wanted to discover the meaning of life , so he decided to climb a huge mountain and view the world below him as he pondered. Land was bursting with life, the sky was blue, birds swooped overhead, underfoot sat vibrant flowers. The very air seemed to sing with thesoul of the universe. Geoffrey took a step forward-**_

_**and tripped over a rock, smashing his head against the ground as zebra blood spattered everywhere. He died instantly. **_

_**This happened the day before my birthday. **_

_**In short, I did not get the Hunger Games for my birthday. I own nothing.**_

* * *

581. Note how Katniss doesn't swear nearly as often as you'd expect her to

582. Give Capitol citizens Barbie dolls

-hey look, _more _unrealistic body expectations

583. Try having a leisurely camping trip in an Arena

584. Eat people

585. Have Gale sing Katy Perry's "The One that Got Away"

586. Organize a "Hunger" Games between Ronald McDonald, the Burger King, Wendy, and Jack in the Box

587. Force the Tributes onto a giant chessboard as pieces in the Capitol's game

589. Ask Effie if her siblings are Affie, Beefie, Seefie, Deefie, and Eefie

590. Have Peeta and The Fault in Our Stars' Augustus Waters start a support group for one-legged sixteen year old guys

591. Send Katniss bunches of roses on Prim's anniversary of death, Prim's birthday and Katniss's birthday and pretty much every celebration*

592. Sing any remotely meaningful/emotional/interesting/rebellious song anywhere for any reason EVER*

593. Don't let the innocent 12 year old get speared in the gut*

594. Don't ask if you can veto the Games*

-In Districts 3, and 5-13 they will slap you and start a riot

-In Districts 1, 2, and 4, they will say "No!" And sign you up for training

595. Attempt to get Gale, Haymitch, and Peeta to sing a I'm sexy and I know I parody but it's now I'm single and I know it*

596. Switch the Hunger Games footage with Bambi  
-Unless you want to die I don't think this has a happy ending*

597. Follow the Capitol's fashion*

598. Outfox a fox with berries that make you the most wanted person in Panem*

599. Scream at Katniss for panicking and not Being trained and throw her in a room with Bruce Wayne after Bane broke his back and threw him in the pit (tDKR), and Gibbs from NCIS after the attack on the NCIS headquarters(NCIS)*

600. Make yourself Gamemaker and create a Games with only one weapon in the Cornucopia: A butterknife*

601. Teach mockingjays/jabberjays to imitate the Capitolites' accent*

602. Ask Snow if he likes knowing the fact that he killed himself by laughing*

-a whole new meaning to the term "I about died laughing" . . .

603. Interbreed a mockingjay, phoenix, and dragon so that the bird that's the symbol of rebellion can also breathe fire onto enemies - and attack them with extrasharp dragon claws!*

604. Ask Foxface if she committed suicide or was just plain stupid*

605. Continually sing that song that Wiress was singing about the mouse running up a clock without stopping*  
-well, maybe stop when they threaten to kill you

606. Show Katniss the "Did you mean . . ." spellcheck menu when you try typing her name**

607. Let Clove, Katniss and Cato read all of the Catoniss and Cloveniss stories!*

608. Ask Foxface if she's half a mutt*

609. Ask Clove to play Dodge the Knives with you*

610. Ask Effie if tracker jackers use her hair as a nest*

611. Ask Finnick if he is related to Percy Jackson*

612. Make Beetee put on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's Pizza Song slow motion in the propos and force the Capitol to watch it forever

613. Make a deal with Coin*

614. Touch the force field surrounding the arena*

615. Yell Peeta's name if you think he is dead from nightlock poisoning*

616. Take Johanna to sea world*

617. Introduce deerstalkers (aka death frisbees) to the Capitol people as the newest trend*

618. Tell Katniss, "You choke on water, so I'm buying you milk."*

619. Try to make the Hunger Games a Pixar film*

620. Introduce Panemians to Toy Story*

621. Talk about zombie apocalypses (or ANY kind at all)*

622. Suggest a haunted house for an arena for the Hunger Games*

623. Give Gale a Team Peeta shirt and Peeta a Team Gale shirt*

624. Lock Snow in a closet and start singing Bruno Mars' s locked outta heaven. Then open the door with a fish from Japan*

625. Show Katniss Uriah ( from Divergent ) and compare him to Peeta*

626. Let the tributes watch the Hillywood show parody of the Hunger Games*

627. Tell Haymitch during his games to "Use the Forcefield, young Abernathy"

628. Say to Katniss "May the Force be ever in your favor," nor say to Luke Skywalker "May the Odds be with you"

629. Hold a Panemwide election to see if they're Team Gale or Team Peeta, with Buttercup running as a write-in candidate

630. Blare Imagine Dragon's "Ready, Aim, Fire" all around the country

631. Hold an extremely awkward Mother's Day celebration in the Everdeen Household

-Don't even think about _mentioning_ Father's Day

632. Sigh at how even post-apocalyptic America refuses to use the metric system

633. Play "Eye of the Tiger" as training room montage music

634. Point out how much the Hunger Games' covers look like Pokémon's legendary birds

633. Freak out over the Catching Fire teaser trailer

* * *

**A/N: I won't hold it against you if you don't follow that last one. I'd be a hypocrite if I did. SORRY FOR THE DELAY! Thanks for the boy band names, I wasn't sure whether or not to post them so...if anyone wants to go check those out you can go check the reviews. I have implemented the new submission crediting system so:**

* means not mine

**Special Thanks: Ashbrie13 (591), GunRecon 11 (592-594), HpHgPjGone (595-596), district13.111 (597-598), theGirlNightwing (599), Crystal Silvera (600-606), Guest (607), shirapp (608), ImagineThePossibility (609), Pyromaniac Monkey Girl [AKA My Bacon Loving Compadre] (613-616), TacosOfEpicness (617), Anarchy Girl (618), kk7 (619-622), Rose (623), uriah loves me not u (624-625), HGfreak261809 (626)**

**Reviewers: akcanine, GingerRavenclaw, RainbowNat, books-are-brain-food456, and Guest **

**So yes, there that is. If this new system sucks please tell me, same goes for typos. I don't currently own any franchises, thanks to Geoffrey the Zebra and his untimely death (as well as his stupid philosophical journeys, meh) Happy late Star Wars day and happy mothers day. **

**(606) mine corrects Katniss Everdeen to Fatniss Evergreen...

**NOW REVIEW or be haunted by Geoffrey's zebra ghost! **


	15. Chapter 15

**1000 Things to NOT in Panem **

_**While I may or may not have Suzanne Collins tied up and gagged in my basement, I do not possess ownership of the Hunger Games. (coughcoughYETcough) BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHA *BEWARE THE JUBJUB BIRD* **_

* * *

634. Allow Effie to consult fashion with Dolores Umbridge and the Mad Hatter

635. Wonder if, when Katniss eats Katniss, it is called Katnnibalism

636. "Primrose Everdeen-"

"I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE-"

"**AND I'M JAVERT!" **

-enough said

637. Enjoy a pleasant Father's Day celebration with the Everdeens...in a mine shaft

638. Have a crossover with Gregor the Overlander

-though I must say Hungor the Overgames isn't too bad of a title

639. Ask Movie Haymitch if he's done anything new to his hair lately

640. Make Snow say to Katniss, "I WILL BURN YOU. I WILL BURN, THE _HEART _OUT OF YOU"

641. Push Cato off the Cornucopia

-Moffat don't run this stuff

642. Allow the Capitol Citizens into a Thrift Shop

- "I'm gonna pop some tags, only got _the hearts and souls of a severely oppressed majority population _in my pocket.

643. Bearded: the Untold Story of a Head Gamemaker.

644. Play Fall Out Boy's "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark" as epic Katniss background music

645. Let the characters write fanfiction about themselves

646. Allow anybody onto Facebook

647. Put Greasy Sae into her own soup

648. Call the Catching Fire Arena a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey wimey pain

649. Insist that the Districts make fantastic summer vacation tourist destinations

650. Show Katniss her and Peeta's ship names (Peenis and Katpee)*

651. Ask Peeta and Katniss if Alicia Keys or Katniss is the girl on fire*

652. Then ask if Peeta is the boy on fire or if Heroes of Olympus's Leo Valdez is*

653. Change Effie's name to Effoff!*

654. Ask Wiress to do a singing performance for the capitol

-She only knows nursery rhymes*

655. Serenade Seneca Crane with The Hanging Tree*

656. When two 12-year-olds get reaped from the same district, start singing the song We Are Young by Fun*

657. Give Katniss perfume that smells like roses*

658. Get Cato a job training police dogs*

659. Compare The Hunger Games (the movie) to Brave*

660. Put all of the tributes ever known into their fear landscape*

661. Make a musical out of The Hunger Games... and make the entire of Panem watch it  
-What? They made a musical out of Harry Potter!*

662. Bring ANY of the kids from Camp Half-Blood into the arena (...or any wizards/witches from Hogwarts)  
-They'd have a huge advantage*

663. "Katniss Everdeen, meet the Hunters of Artemis..." *

664. Hold an interview with dead tributes [that is broadcasted nationwide] and ask them if they liked their deaths or if they wanted something more dramatic, quiet, private, etc*

665. Tell Effie her hair looks like a rat's nest *

666. Unleash demons onto the Arena

-they would get too scared

667. Replace Mockingjays with Articunos  
-Heck, replace all the mutts with Pokemon!*

668. Go to the Capitol and say in disgust, "This is Lady Gaga's hometown? Should've known."*

669. Make an arena with NO food/food source at all and declare it the official Hunger Games*

670. Make all the tributes play dodgeball*

671. Don't ask why Mockingjays resemble Starly from Pokémon*

672. Try to hug Effie Trinket on live TV*

673. Burn your wedding dress*

674. Say that Mockingjay dresses are the latest style*

675. Go near Haymitch with fire attire*

676. Talk about explosions near Katniss*

677. Casually mention to Peeta that Gale saw Katniss in her birthday suit.*

678. Blindfold Peeta and claim you will lead him to Katniss, when really you you lead him to the mob of Team Gale fangirls outside Gale' s house*

679. Turn Peeta over to his fangirls

680. Allow Katniss and Tris (from divergent) to fight to the death

- I doubt Peeta, Gale or Four would take it too lightly*

681. Compare Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third (How to Train Your Dragon) to Peeta

682. Wonder if Katniss and Peeta's son is the Doctor since he has no name

683. Take Prim out to see a delightful fireworks show

684. Note how President Snow gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "pick your poison"

685. Let the people of Panem submit things to not do in Panem

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the holdup! End of the school year sort of brought on a severe unwillingness to do, well, anything. But with my now abundant free time, chapters should hopefully be coming along faster. In addition to the Hunger Games, I don't currently own any other franchises. Point out any typos/errors.**

* -not mine

**Special Thanks: Ashbrie13 (650), TeamLeoForDaWin (651-652), TheMysteriousGeek2345 (653), shirapp (654), Catching Fireflies (655-658), Crystal Silvera [odds are never in our favor gave me chills!] (659-665, 667-669), JustAbby4738 (670), CynderPikachu (671-673), Guest (674-676), Emilie Autumnfan (677-679), CupcakeKnight (680), Rose (681) [_brittish bird, my phone was glitching so we'll see them next chapter]_**

**Reviewers: theGirlNightwing, akcanine, books-are-brain-food456, RainbowNat, Bookworm217 **

**Readers, I love you all- except for you non-reviewers I can't stand you! Kidding, please review though. REVIEW, OR POSSIBLY JOIN SUZANNE COLLINS IN MY BASEMENT!**


	16. Chapter 16

**1000 Things to NOT do in Panem**

_**Snow's blood is red**_

_**Nightlock is blue**_

_**I don't own the Hunger Games**_

_**And neither do you **_

_**(though if you do, can I have them?)**_

* * *

686. President Snow. Don't do President Snow

687. Complain about sunburn in the Arena

688. Insist Prim had a blast being a medic

689. Let Greasy Sae exchange recipes with Hannibal Lecter

690. Do he got a weapon?

-he doooooooo (now RUN)

691. Recreate the Hunger Games film starring a cat, bread, wind, a flower, and a puddle of melting slush

692. "Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had a jabberjay E-I-E-I-O. With AHHHH AHHHH here, and a AAAHHHH AAAHHHH there. Here a scream, there a scream, everywhere a tortured scream, Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O"

693. Refer to Cinna, Katniss, and Peeta collectively as "Cinna-mon Toast Crunch"

694. Encourage Katniss to use people as dartboards

695. Encourage Tigris to become a kung fu master and become best friends with a rather piggish panda

696. Offer one hundred percent historically accurate Hunger Games reenactments

697. Hold an Arts and Crafts stand in the Training Center

698. Name the aforementioned Arts and Crafts station, "Tie-Dying with Blood and Other Fun Projects"

699. Convince people that Capitol citizens are secretly wizards who never mastered Muggle dressing

700. Ask if the platypus is just a Mutt that hitched a ride in a time machine

701. Every time a cannon goes off: "MAMAAAAAAA, JUST KILLED A MAAAAN!..."

702. Sob in the Arena whenever the cannon sinks your Ship

703. Hop on a boat in District 4 and yell, "May the Cods Be Ever in Your Favor!"

704. Imagine how the Gamemakers come up with Arena obstacles

-"Congrats on that new psychological torture, Bob! But can we talk about the man-eating grasshoppers? I think we might have to tweak that a little bit. Meet you after coffee? Hey! Maybe we should boil the Tributes in that next!"

705. "Livestock, Fish, Agriculture, Coal. Long ago, the 12 Districts and the Capitol lived together in oppressed harmony. Then, everything changed when the Districts attacked."

706. Hand the Capitol citizens golden tickets into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory

707. Turn Camp Half Blood into an Arena and proclaim, "May the Gods be Ever in Your Favor"

708. Rewrite the entire series Buttercup's point of view

709. Put Caesar on a salad diet

710. "Yeah Prim, you go girl! You da **bomb**!"

711. Have them post their autobiographies here on fanfiction. net

712. Attempt pronouncing President Snow's first name: "Coria...Corlonisus...? Carlos...Coloncancer? Choreography?

713. Ask where Prim went after she died. Answer? Everywhere.

714. Become Enobaria's dentist

715. Tie Katniss's braid to a tree and watch her have a breakdown

716. Handcuff both halves of Everlark together and force them to attempt hunting like that

717. Put on a production of The Little Mermaid in District 4

718. Wonder if the ex-tribute who kept eating his victims grew up to become Hannibal Lecter

719. Enter the Games with a bottle of Felix Felicis

720. Rewrite the ending of Mockingjay, with the new addition: "Suddenly Katniss woke up and she was on the bus headed for school for school. _Huh, _she thought, _what a strange dream._ She laughed it off and soon forgot about it"

721. Read through the Panem phone book

722. Tell the Tributes that this year's Arena is "to _die_ for"

723. Applaud the Careers on their _killer _sense of style

724. Create bacon-scented, ham-colored pigbirds that hatch from scarlet foil eggs and rain terror down upon their enemies

725. Replace all the weapons with harmless rubber replicas

726. Switch the film actors and book characters into each other's universes

727. Buy Katniss and Peeta a truckload of carrots for their wedding since his favorite color is orange and hers green

728. Beg Peeta to bake Supernatural's Dean Winchester some pie

729. Write some poetry about everyone's favorite Hawthorne:

_he is pale in jail_

_that poor, frail male_

_who has survived for months on mere stale kale_

_it's a whale of a tale_

_he fights without fail, never breaks a nail,_

_ Rory_

730. Introduce the Hawthornes to the Weasleys

731. Casually mention to GALE that PEETA saw Katniss in her birthday suit*

732. Ask Effie Trinket if she's related to Lady Gaga*

733. Let the tributes tweet their status in the Arena*

734. Turn the director of the Hunger Games over to a mob of people unhappy with the movie*

735. Have a death match between Merida, Katniss and Hawkeye*

736. Have Leo from Heroes of Olympus start a Team Leo*

737. Introduce the Capitol citizens to Teletubbies*

738. Introduce President Coin to Divergent's Jeanine Mathews*

739. If you hear anybody complain about how bad it is in Panem, ask if they'd rather live in Airstrip One instead*

740. Let Snow read 1984*

741. Smother Coin in a shower of pennies*

742. Call Haymitch Abernathy HA

- He won't appreciate being laughed at!*

743. Saw Finnick in half and call each respected half "Finn" and "Nick"*

744. Walk around in your underwear

_ -Right, Finnick?*_

745. Lock Cinna and Katniss in a room and wait for them to hook up

-Gale would firebomb you, and Peeta would bake you to death*

746. Sing Radioactive when the nukes are dropped over 13*

747. Try and assassinate Snow*

748. Introduce Brian Blessed to Effie...*

749. Make all of Panem listen to the album Danger Days: the True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys by My Chemical Romance, then make them read the Killjoy comics, then show them the music videos*

750. Then force the people of the Capitol to dress like BL/ind (all white) and the districts to dress like the Killjoys (super colorful), and nickname the Districts for their respective Zones*

751. Introduce Prim to the Fourth of July*

752. Give Peeta a loaf of bread for his birthday*

753. Question why we don't know when anybody's birthday is on*

754. Suggest to put Katniss in Greasy Sae's soup, causing a MAJOR misunderstanding*

755. Call the Capitolites "puffy people"*

756. Make Tigress watch Life of Pi*

757. Let the Gamemakers have access to FanFiction

-The arenas get scarier and scarier...*

758. Have a food fight: Districts against Capitolites!  
-None of them would like it*

759. Say that you (aka the rabid THG fan) are the new Mockingjay because Katniss quit

-Coin and Snow would have a heart attack*

760. Fourth of July - with tributes. Should be fun*

761. Make rude, obnoxious noises in front of Effie  
-on Panemwide TV*

762. Announce that aliens are attacking Panem, and when asked where the aliens are, point at the Capitolites*

763. Ask for duct tape in Panem. Note reactions*

764. Set clothing on fire. COUGHCOUGHCINNACOUGHCOUGH*

765. Blackmail Katniss  
-We all know her secrets, now don't we? Seize all opportunities!*

766. Go to school in Panem. . . . Break all the rules  
-They did say that they have school...*

767. Watch the Games on TV and laugh loudly whenever someone dies  
-Or make comments, bet on tributes, scream, "OMG NO THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE!" every time someone dies.*

768. Introduce Capitol citizens to Nicki Minaj*

769. Tell the Citizens of the Capitol that their children are going into the Hunger Games, not the Districts*

770. Turn the Hunger Games into a contest where the main objective is to literally survive without food longer than anyone else (last person alive wins)*

771. Dress up as any of the dead tributes in the arena, then scare the living tributes.*

772. Tell Glimmer that she has a long lost twin named Glitter, right in the arena with her*

773. Ask Marvel if he's one of the Avengers*

774. Take away Clove's knives*

775. Say you're stronger than Cato, then challenge him to a wrestling duel*

776. Dress up as a fox, then mock Foxface with it*

777. Since it's not a Career District, decide Seven is _not _a lucky number

778. Tell Rue that she'll rue the day if she doesn't die soon*

779. Lock Katniss in the same room with Bella Swan, Hermione Granger, and Annabeth Chase, all together*

780. Celebrate the 4th of July in the seam with sparklers... Hopefully nothing will catch on fire... If it does, well... Yolo!*

781. Recreate the "Bad Romance" video with Effie dancing instead of Lady Gaga*

782. Introduce Capitol citizens to the Boohbahs-all of Panem would die if that happened*

783. Mistake the Capitol for Whoville- and Capitolites for Whos*

784. Host a Miss Panem beauty pageant every year in place of the Games*

785. Play "Toxic" by Britney Spears over and over again to Katniss and Peeta, as their theme song, while they're in the same room together*

786. Turn the Games into a super intense cooking show run by Gordon Ramsay

787. Your motto in the Arena? Kill **ALL **the tributes!

* * *

**A/N: Greetings fabulous people, sorry for the delay. My aunts came over and I had to be all tourist-y for a couple days. 213 more to go! I'm gonna miss this, however I was told that it would be cool if we continued this by writing some of the things happening in Panem. Thoughts? Anyway!**

*means not mine

**Special Thanks: TimeLadyofTARDIS (731-734), Ashbrie13 (735), HpHgPjGone (736-737), roses are white (738-740), TheMysteriousGeek2345 (741-748), theGirlNightwing (749-750), kk7 (751-754), Crystal Silvera (755-767), Claire (780) Guests (768-776, 778-779, 781-785) **

**Review Thanks: Saphira42, books-are-brain-food456, shirapp, Rachel Munroe, Lime Green Squirrel, yummysouls , lisserboo**

**Don't own any franchises. Please point out my mistakes. **Quick note on 733, if anybody wants to write some sample Arena tweets I will love you forever and post them if you want.

**NOW REVIEW! OR BE PELTED WITH BAGUETTES! **


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